'마이웨이' 방송캡처"My Way" broadcast capture.
[헤럴드POP=김나율기자]국악인 김영임이 공황장애, 우울증으로 힘들었던 시절을 고백했다.[Herald Pop = Reporter Kim Na-yul] Korean traditional musician Kim Young-im confessed his hard times due to panic disorder and depression.
지난 5일 방송된 TV조선 '스타다큐 마이웨이'에는 국악인이자 남편 이상해의 아내인 김영임이 며느리 김윤지와 이야기를 나누는 모습이 그려졌다.TV Chosun's "Star Documentary My Way," which aired on the 5th, depicts Kim Young-im, a Korean traditional musician and husband Lee Sang-hae's wife, talking to her daughter-in-law Kim Yoon-ji.
김윤지는 시어머니인 김영임에게 "물론 좋은 일도 많지만, 사람이 힘든 일도 항상 함께하지 않나"라고 물었다.Kim Yoon-ji asked her mother-in-law, Kim Young-im, "Of course, there are many good things, but people always share difficulties." 김영임은 "50년 동안 구구절절이 엄청난 일도 많았다.Kim Young-im said, "For 50 years, there have been many tremendous events. 때로는 사람들한테 많은 상처를 받아 공황장애가 오기도 했다"고 털어놓았다.Sometimes I was hurt a lot by people and had a panic disorder." 1년 이상 밖에 나오지 못했다는 김영임은 "28살에 결혼했다.Kim Young-im, who has only been out for more than a year, said, "I got married at the age of 28. 집에서 막내로 자라서 살다가 대갓집에 시집을 왔다.I grew up as the youngest in my family and lived, and then married to a master. 맏며느리로서 해야 할 책임들이 버거웠다.The responsibilities of being the eldest daughter-in-law were overwhelming. 게다가 그때 공연을 너무 열심히 했다.In addition, I worked so hard on the show at that time. 너무 많은 에너지를 소모했다"고 했다.I've used up too much energy."
이어 "에너지 소모와 정신적인 갈등들이 겹치면서 공황장애, 우울증이 찾아왔다."Panic disorders and depression came as energy consumption and mental conflicts overlap. 20년 전에는 흔하지 않던 병명이었다.It was a rare disease 20 years ago. 정신과 치료를 받아야 하는 상황이었다.He had to undergo psychiatric treatment. 잠을 몇 개월 동안 자지 못했다.I haven't slept in months. 그리고 제가 음식을 거부하기 시작했다"고 이야기했다.Then I began to refuse the food."
음식을 아예 먹지 못했다며 "일어나서 걷지 못할 정도로 쇠약해졌다.He said he couldn't eat at all, adding, "I got up and got weak enough to walk." 그때를 떠올려보면 죽음길에까지 가지 않았나 싶다.Thinking back to that time, I think I've reached the point of death. 그때 정말 힘든 일을 겪었다고 생각한다"고 덧붙였다.I think I had a really hard time then."
또 김윤지에게 "(시어머니랑) 시장에 가면 자꾸 어른들이 등을 두들겨 줬다.In addition, when I went to the market (with my mother-in-law), adults kept patting me on the back. 시어머니와 40여 년을 살았기 때문에 굉장히 부딪히는 일이 많았다.Since I lived with my mother-in-law for more than 40 years, there were many conflicts. (결혼 생활 중) 남편이 한 번도 내 편을 들어줘My husband has never stood by me. 본 적이 없었다.I've never seen it. 윤지도 알겠지만, 남편이 보수적이고 효자이지 않나.Yunji knows, but isn't your husband a conservative and filial son? 어머니에게 엄청난 효자였기 때문이다"라고 했다.for he was such a good son to his mother."
그러면서 "그때 그래서 너무 힘들었다."That's why it was so hard. 집안에 무슨 일이 일어나면 어머니한테 잘못했다고 얘기하라고 하더라.When something happens in the house, they tell my mother to tell me that I did something wrong. 나도 사람이니까 난 잘못한 것 같지 않은 일이 있을 거 아니냐.I'm a human being, so I don't think I did anything wrong. 지금 생각해보면 '어머니 죄송합니다'라고 하면 되는데, 그때는 서른 살 초반이고 하니까 '내가 잘못한 게 뭐가 있지?' 생각했다.Now that I think about it, I could just say, "I'm sorry, mother," but I was in my early 30s, so I thought, "What did I do wrong?" 어머니가 잘못됐다는 게 아니다.I'm not saying that my mother was wrong. 항상 며느리는 어머니 앞에서 순종해야 하고 잘못하지 않았어도 잘못했다고 해야 하는 풍습이었다"며 글썽였다.It was a custom in which the daughter-in-law always had to obey in front of her mother, and even if she did not do anything wrong, she had to say that she did something wrong."
시어머니가 돌아가신 지 두 달 정도 됐다는 김영임은 "못해 드린 마음이 커서 너무 죄송하다"고 했다.Kim Young-im, who has been dead for about two months, said, "I'm so sorry that I couldn't give you my heart." 김윤지는 "어머니가 장례식장에서 정말 많이 우셨다"며 함께 글썽였다.Kim Yoon-ji cried together, saying, "My mother cried a lot at the funeral."
김영임은 "어머니가 가정의 화목함과 인생의 교훈을 너무 많이 주고 가셨다"라며 말을 잇지 못했다.Kim Young-im was unable to continue, saying, "My mother gave me too much lessons about family harmony and life."